half a century

Once you live half a century, aren't you supposed to finally have it all together?  Figured out?  Or at least, have made peace with all that is....and isn't.  I long to write beautiful words about the wind blowing through the trees and how my heart soars with laughter or something like that.  I do love poetry and offering words of encouragement.  Laying out markers of hope to those behind me to keep going.  Reassurance that all will be well.
And it will.
But after five decades, this is what I got-

nothing has turned out the way I thought it would
my expectations have been humbled

truth is hard to find
only the one true God brings clarity

brokenness is where healing begins
walls may block out pain
but it also blocks out all the love trying to get in

pray all the time

even the day you reach weight, hair and relationship goals
at the end it's the inner self that needs the most courage
to be who you are and love those in front of you

every one of us has a hole
only our creator God can fill
and even the good stuff we want to put in
must emptied
everyday

only the armor of God can combat
all the lies the enemy spewing
not good enough

grace is a gift
from God
and poured out to others
always

and I get to choose
to embrace the life I have been given
and release all that I wish was
and love all that is right here
in front of me